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Feed11 Ways to Personalize Your Ceremony
Shyamala Littlefield
Your wedding can be a personal expression of who you are as individuals and as a couple. There are only 3 sentences your Wedding Officiant must say in order to be able to legally pronounce you married and sign your marriage license. [“Do you take this man to be your husband? Do you take this woman to be your wife? I now pronounce you husband and wife.”] The rest of the ceremony is up to you.
The following list can be your guide in discovering the elements you would like to add into your ceremony to make it personal, meaningful and unique:
- QUOTES AND READINGS: Ask your Wedding Officiant or do your own search for readings and quotes that are meaningful to you. They can be woven into the ceremony in a variety of ways: You can honor people by asking them to do a reading, the bride and groom can read to each other, the Officiant can make the reading part of the ceremony or you could print it on your program to set the mood of the wedding for your guests. One of my couples printed dozens of poems they loved onto bookmarks and gave them as gifts to their guests.
- RITUALS: Through your Officiant and through your own search, you can give meaning and texture to your ceremony. You can use rituals to include children, parents and others you wish to honor. You can use rituals from your own traditions such as the Jewish Breaking of the Glass or the Christian Unity Candle. Or you can use traditions far removed from your own culture and tweak it to fit your needs. For instance, Hindu and Native American weddings include a “7 Step” ritual in which the bride and groom take a step in a circle or around a fire as the Officiant reads the 7 promises they wish to make to each other.
- YOUR LOVE STORY: Have your Officiant tell the story of how you got to this day. The moment of destiny when you met is always lovely. Consider what you want to tell your Officiant so they can know you as individuals and as a couple. Through your love story, your guests can get to know you both better just by being at your wedding ceremony. It is always intriguing.
- PERSONAL STATEMENTS: If you are comfortable speaking in public, prepare to say something to each other about your love and how meaningful this marriage is to you. Have it be a surprise. You can each show your Officiant privately what you’ve written so that they can check it for balance [we don’t want the groom speaking for 3 minutes while the bride has only prepared a few sentences]. The Officiant can also print it out and hand it to you at the right moment. It can be completely written out or just bullet points. If you prefer, you can also speak spontaneously to each other without notes. Do what is comfortable for you.
- YOUR BACKGROUND: Your ceremony will be greatly enriched by including symbols, sayings and rituals from the religion, traditions, customs and language you both grew up with or are involved with now. Even if you are no longer involved, you can consider using these elements as a way to honor and respect your families.
- WELCOMING: Let people know they are not just an invited audience but you specifically wanted each of them there to witness your vows. You can express your gratitude, name the far-flung places everyone has come from, and include them in rituals such as a toast where everyone can offer their blessings. You can also mention, specifically or in general, those that are here in spirit only. Without changing the mood of the celebration, you can take a moment to offer a flower to an altar or vase for each person dear to you who has passed on.
- ALLOW FOR JOY AND LOVE TO FLOW: Your wedding is an experience, not a performance, so don’t stress – do your preparations and then relax. Whatever happens is perfect. You want to be present and experiencing what can be a very sacred moment and a rite of passage – not worrying about carrying this off perfectly. You don’t have to be exact and hitting your marks . Everyone is there with love and well wishes so they will be with you even if you “mess up.” You can be dignified, even formal, without being stiff. Remember, it’s going to be a great wedding just because of who is getting married!
- PREPARE TO BE COMFORTABLE- Don’t wear spike heels if you will be walking down the aisle on grass. Wear a dress that isn’t too long or tight to walk in comfortably. Make sure your suit jacket allows you to lift your arms to kiss your bride. When you walk down the aisle, smile at people. Notice them. You can wave or say a word or two. You are not an object on display if you engage.
- INCLUDE PEOPLE: Your family, friends, and especially children. If someone is a musician, they can play at some point in the ceremony – especially the beginning and end. If someone writes poetry, ask them to write a poem for you or read one already written. Have your bridesmaids and groomsmen sing a relevant song to you [that really loosens up the audience and lets them know they should enjoy themselves!]
- REFERENCE YOUR SURROUNDINGS: Especially if you are outside, comment on the Nature around you. Talk about the beautiful room you are in, the historic qualities of a building or town. Where you have chosen to marry is also a reflection of you as a couple.
- DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE UNUSUAL – Include your beloved dogs in the ceremony. Have your children walk you down the aisle. Vera Wang is now designing black wedding dresses so clearly the lid is off the box!
